Water hero!
NOT for the first time do we notice that Aviemore is a strange place, and it is filled with some strange people. Not you, our avid readers, of course, but others who are indeed differently challenged.
One of our moles, rushing through torrential rain on Aviemore’s Grampian Road, was briefly intrigued to see a local gentleman with a prominent umbrella going about his business in the downpour. Nothing strange in that, you say.
True, there is nothing especially strange about seeing people go about their business in the pouring rain, except that this particular person was assiduously watering the hanging baskets. At least nobody could fault his dedication.
Papering over the hacks
OUR dynamic editor, Gavin Musgrove, is agog with the story that the ‘News of the World’ is to close immediately, and is excited at the prospect of the seven million readers of that blatt casting around for a replacement read. He is earnestly hoping that they may be tempted to switch to the ‘Strathy’.
We have tried to lower his expectations, but his little heart is set on it and we cannot dissuade him.
He has also ordered us to stop hacking the mobile phones of local politicians. Frankly, we have no idea what he is talking about. We can barely text and often cannot make a simple call with ours.
We have, of course, read about phone hacking and like to keep up to date with the current news, but our phones don’t seem to have that facility.
There isn’t a button for hacking that we can find, so I expect there is nothing that we need to do to comply with his wishes. No doubt, like the ‘Sunday Post’, we will soon find the ‘Strathy’ taking the moral high ground in all matters of national importance.
Then again, maybe we’ll just keep our sights on the community council meetings and the local courts. We don’t want to over-excite the population.
By Georges! They could at least get things right
OUR French mole, George (call me Georges) Anderson, has been back in Newtonmore for a few weeks, with la dog and la Madame, to renew old acquaintances (especially the golf course) and discover the sinful prices of whisky and wine here.
George and Sandra, who now live in St Nazaire, noticed last Monday that the Tour de France was passing through their new home town, and thought it would be nice to see the area through the overhead pictures and interesting commentary.
He had obviously failed to remember that most media commentators are either ignorant, pig-ignorant, not the same nationality as us, over-paid, have no researchers, have researchers with the same attributes as themselves, or all of the above.
Incensed, George noted that the ITV4 commentating team made several errors regarding the area, viz:
Commentator: The shipyards known commonly for many years as Chantiers d’Atlantique at St Nazaire were started by the English. Fact: The first shipyard was established by a certain John Scott of Greenock, who was as Scottish as it’s possible to be.
While viewing the Pont de St Nazaire, one commentator also admired the nearby bridge, the Pont de Tancarville. Hmm. This bridge is actually over the river Seine, upriver from Le Havre. The distance between the bridges by recommended fastest route is actually 242 miles.
We feel that George has spotted the main drawback about watching stuff on telly when you have an intimate local knowledge of the area.
Probably best not to bother. However, George says that at least the views were nice.
Time to restock d'Oc
STILL with our French correspondent, albeit in Newtonmore, George concedes that Monday was not all disappointment. He goes on: “We have been delighted to renew attempts (mostly futile) to solve the Wee Stinker Crossword in the ‘Herald’.
He said: “I was interested to see that one of the previous week’s prize-winners was a certain I. Matumshie of Glasgow. I think he is a cousin of Am-ma-maws Big Tumshie, whom I knew well in a previous life in Airdrie.”
Having got that out of the way, he has to go out to the shops for some necessary provisions. In his own words, he says, “La dog and la Madame have discovered we are running very low on our (vast) imported stocks of breakfast necessities, ie brioche and vin de pays d’Oc in three-litre boxes at around £1.30 per litre. If we run out, I will get growled at. The dog won’t be happy either!”
The 10th floor couldn’t possibly make any further comment.
Weather or not you like it, we certainly don't
FOLLOWING our whine about the weather in the last edition of this column, we have had a terse e-mail from a couple of ex-pats in the land of Oz which states quite simply: “SEND SOME OF YOUR RAIN TO SOUTH AUSTRALIA AND STOP WHINING!!! YOU HAVE THE SECOND BEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD TO LIVE IN. ALL THE BEST TO ALL YOU GRANTONIANS FROM JIMMY AND NAN GRANT.”
We feel that we have to point out to Jimmy and Nan that while we appreciate that our rain is a wonderful thing and keeps the grass green and the country looking as it does, perhaps if they were here in mid-July with temperatures of 11ºC, they might not be quite so enthusiastic.
Nonetheless, I suppose what they are saying is that we should be grateful for whatever we have. Sadly, neither of us is.
AS usual, we are always keen to hear from you, our readers, with stories about the misdemeanours of local people. Be a mole or a stool-pigeon and send your stories to foolscap@btinternet.com