It’s summer time... despite all the snow!
IT IS summer apparently. How do we know this? Because our calendar tells us it’s summer.
We have experienced hay fever once, (it may have been dust from our work in progress drawer), and we cannot leave the office without a hat, gloves and a windcheater.
Basically, it is no more like summer at the moment than it was in January.
There’s been fresh snow on Cairngorm, our rooftop garden has blown away and there’s been enough rain to keep the gloomiest of farmers happy for a year.
In short, it has made us two reconsider the merits of having a convertible Ferrari at all. Sure it attracts the ladies, and we can’t deny that cruising around in it with the top down makes us look cool.
At the moment it not only makes us look cool it makes us look ruddy freezing.
Our complexions have taken on a prominent veined look not dissimilar to a map of the London underground due to all the driving around with the top down.
We have therefore decided to start looking around for alternative transport. We have ruled out all forms of self- propelled transport such as bikes, roller skates, walking and the like as plainly ridiculous and in no way suited to our lifestyle.
A helicopter was a good suggestion and we really were keen on the idea, however, the rooftop on Strathy towers was deemed unsuitable as a makeshift heliport.
Public transport was mooted as a possible solution but once we had all stopped laughing and sobered up it seemed not to make sense anymore.
Therefore it looks as if we might simply have to downgrade our present motorcar for something more practical, energy efficient and above all warmer.
Perhaps we should follow the lead of Cairngorms National Park Authority who were keen to point out in last week’s Strathy that they have a charging point for electric vehicles at their office.
With that in mind we headed across to their expansive car parking area, with a view to casting our eyes over the various different types of electric cars available on the market.
After a half hour of wandering amongst the gleaming rows of cars parked outside the CNPA office it became apparent that there was not an electric one amongst the lot, not so much as a scooter.
Perhaps they were all out or maybe they were stuck somewhere with the heater on and a flat battery.
THE bard of Tomatin, Donnie MacAskill, has been back at his desk penning yet another piece of doggerel regarding our famous art installation on the A9 otherwise known as the "The 2+1 Fiasco at Moy".
He is particularly taken with the news that this particular piece of art is to have a repainting job to change the direction of flow and will reopen sometime soon for public viewing.
I’m an Intercity Highwayman
So, I really must confess
My ignorance of locals
T’wixt Perth and Inverness.
We’ve opened up the Highlands
With miles of shining tar,
For city folk it’s wonderful
For local folk it’s war.
How dare those people hinder us?
Never happy with their lot,
Our roads are up to standard
Be they dangerous, or not.
Our A9 overtaking lane at Moy
Will soon be safe to open,
But pack some extra underwear
If you use the Lynebeg Junction.
I’m an Intercity Highway Chief
I’m based in proud Auld Reekie
But if my plans for Moy go wrong
I’ll be based in Auld Barlinnie.
Once they have changed the direction of flow will we find that it finishes too close to the narrow confines of the railway bridge at the other end or will some other design disaster take over?
Don’t go away. We think this story will run and run. Possibly they should save all the money that these things cost and keep it in a fund for making it dual carriageway the whole way.
NOWADAYS we are used to our political masters casually mention millions here and billions there and we have become inured to such terms without really thinking much about it.
Thanks to the wonder of the Internet we have unearthed some information that might be of interest to you and might give you a sense of perspective the next time you hear the word ‘billion’ bandied around in a blasé manner. It’s a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.
A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age.
A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
A billion pounds public spending was only 13 hours and 12 minutes ago, at the current rate our government is using it up.
And just another small point. Don’t believe government spin on taxes such as environmental taxes, etc. to encourage us to behave more responsibly.
Governments only implement taxes for one thing. To raise money. Once they have them they never give them up.
However it isn’t our intention to depress you so for heaven’s sake, cheer up. It’s only money.
WINDFARMS. You either love them or hate them but this column; we have to say, is entirely in favour of renewable energy but is pretty cynical about the value of wind turbines.
Rather than go into the pros and cons all we will say is that we don’t think that much electricity will accrue to the grid overall from this source.
The worst thing is that over the last month, when this area has suffered more wind than in any May since the time of the Roman occupation, many of the Highland wind turbines have been locked down in case of damage.
You may recall that in the winter when we had high usage and no wind they didn’t contribute much either. So when exactly do we expect to get the benefit of this wonderful new technology?
Answers on a postcard please to The Scottish Government.
Email us on foolscap@btinternet.com