At every twist and turn the views bring one to one's knees, weeping with the all encompassing emotion of it.

At the moment we are wrapped in the golden, honey-dripped autumnal arms of impending winter, with a song... (Mr McNeish you are not, get on with it - Ed).

OK, we read this week in the Press that the John Muir Trust is urging people not to release foil helium balloons into the sky when out celebrating.

Apparently, Andrew Campbell, the trust's head of land management, had stumbled across two of the hateful items while out on the slopes of Schiehallion. The blighters were 3ft in diameter.

Referring to some pretty complicated applied physics, Mr Campbell said: "Sadly, what goes up must come down".

Mr Campbell went on to urge people to try and think of ways to celebrate that were more environmentally friendly.

He did not, however, go on to expand on how one could have a proper old planet-friendly knees-up without resorting to hoisting mini blimps trailing ribbons into the air.

Well, as ever, we have all the answers.

Having spent a fair bit of time in the mountains ourselves, we have noted on more than one occasion that a good number of people like to celebrate by launching a biodegradable deposit resplendent with a white and brown streamer into the heather.

Judging by the number of these adorable celebration markers in some locations, one can only imagine that walkers have indeed been partying like it's 1999, or should that be just "99".

The article also went on to mention that in California the balloons had been banned as they could lead to power cuts if they were to strike power lines. Now. Here's a good idea. Maybe they should just bury those darned power lines and not take the risk.

Fun time at meeting

THE Strathy's new reporter, Jessica Wilkins, was on hand, eagerly recording the collective wisdom of Aviemore's Community Council meeting last week, when an issue came up in which it was thought useful to contact our parliamentary representatives.

Yes, someone said, we should write to Fergus Ewing and Danny Alexander. A chorus of "Who's Danny Alexander?" went round the table - perhaps an ironic reflection on the said politico's enthusiasm for headline-grabbing and baby-kissing.

Perhaps his keenness on publicity has passed our reporter by. Whatever the reason, she was aghast and her expression turned to one of abject horror as she fell for the amusing antics of the Aviemore Council members - a group long renowned for their skittishness, playfulness and hedonistic ideals.

"He's your MP", she cried in alarm. "I can't believe you don't know who your MP is!"

At least the floor in the church hall no longer needs a clean, after the fun loving community council members stopped rolling on it, clutching their ribs.

Not much traffic to occupy Grantown's wardens

LIKE Ross Kemp's hairdresser, Simon Cowell's stylist, the secretary of X-Factor John and Edward's fan club, Vanessa Feltz's fitness instructor and Gordon Brown's special adviser on biscuits, some jobs aren't especially taxing.

Spotted on Grantown's High Street on Monday after being as rare as hen's teeth over the busy summer period were two traffic wardens going about their business.

As most residents in Grantown will now know, the main road has been closed down one side this week, and there is no chance of parking anyway for motorists on the High Street.

Not the most productive of ways to spend a shift, we would assume.

Bearable travel

WELL, we two here on the 10th floor were more than relieved to hear the exciting news that Mercedes the polar bear had arrived safe and well at Highland Wildlife Park.

There had been much discussion between us two prior to her arrival, as to what her preferred method of travel might be. We ruled out the bus, citing an unfeasible lack of legroom which would undoubtedly be a substantial barrier to any travelling bear.

Train? Unlikely, as it would require a taxi ride at either end - a task bears detest. In addition to that, poor old Mercedes was almost shot for wandering into a town in Canada in search of food, heaven knows what kind of unspeakable scene could have erupted had she tried to find something edible on a train.

If, however, we had used our heads we would have realised that, like a great many things, excluding the words unbeatable value, the clue was in the name. "Mercedes", of course, the bear was named after the German car company who stepped in to help transport her.

But we two are relieved to hear she was named in honour of a certain brand of van because as a great many conservationists and zoologists will tell you - a high number of captive animals die in Transit.

* KEEP the stories coming in. We can always use some inspiration and you only have to give us a few clues and we'll make up... er... that is to say, we'll work out the rest. Send your stories to foolscap@btinternet.com

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