Now for a short history lesson. Goth is short for Gothic, a term which first appeared in the latter part of the renaissance as a stylistic insult – a trend which is carried on to this very day by the modern goth, with ragged black string vests, garish hair colours and pointy shoes that closely resemble the almost iconic fashion disaster of the latter part of the 1970s, the cowboy boot.

This type of attire, coupled with multiple facial and body piercings and black lipstick, forms the modern version of a stylistic insult.

But before we retire back to the crypt, cast your eyes over some selected e-mail addresses of the attendees. We leave you to make up your mind as to what it's all about.

They include Flying Saucer Attack, Satans Left Bollock and Snowheiress. Looks like it's shaping up to be a fun weekend!

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LOCAL Lib Dem MP Danny Alexander has been bemoaning the lack of nappy-changing facilities in the House of Commons.

'Strange, that,' we thought on hearing his concerns. You would have thought that a building that contains over 600 screaming children would at least have the facilities to cope with the odd soiled nappy here and there.

Upon further investigation, however, we discovered that it was not his colleagues that Danny was concerned with but his own baby daughter, Isabel, whom he had to take to work last week as his wife, Rebecca, was busy.

This was on the day of the controversial vote on 42-day detention of suspects without charge, and flustered father Danny was trying to juggle playing with his daughter, changing nappies and voting on this important national matter.

As far as we can see, he should have just sat back and relaxed. Simply sending his baby daughter to vote would have cut his workload by 100 per cent, and the end result, with the law being passed by nine votes, would still have been the same.

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AVIEMORE'S residents took to the streets in an emotional display of sorrow when the news broke that their self styled Provost, Ian Malcolm, was to step down as chairman of Aviemore Community Council after a brief stint of 20 or so years.

Grown men were seen to dab at their eyes with their hankies as they heard the terrible news. Yes, many couldn't stop themselves from laughing out loud.

But those who thought they were getting rid of the old burgher shouldn't laugh too soon, as the Provost is staying on in the lesser role of vice-chairman.

No doubt he will bring the same determination and energy to vice as he has done to his provostship. We can therefore look forward to some more interesting vice in Aviemore in the future as Mr Malcolm bends his great brain to the problems.

In spite of his success at most of the things he has tackled as chairman, we have to admit that upping the ante for vice in the Aviemore area will be quite a difficult job for the ageing teenager, as he is already up against some pretty stiff competition.

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IF only we'd waited. We put all our hopes on the new improved Aviemore Highland Resort to bring riches to the community, when if we had only relented till this week, we could have had millions invested in the area by the Government.

The Goths are coming... for another Aviemore Goth Weekend.

Eager newshounds amongst our readers will have noticed that the kindly and munificent nuclear energy chiefs are keen to bribe local communities to turn their areas into nuclear waste dumps.

Sadly, Cumbria got there first, and local people are to have money thrown at them to keep the waste from Sellafield within the community. Think of the benefits if we had got in with an earlier bid.

Instead of continual planning arguments about fences, everything and anything would be rushed through without a moment's hesitation in case we changed our minds.

Not only that, the contentiousness of the fence would disappear, as there really would be a security need for it if the area contained nuclear waste.

And it would be very good for tourism. Burying the stuff deep in the granite of Cairngorm could give us the only mountain range in the world that glows in the dark. People would come from miles around to see a thing like that.

Of course, it would mean an end to skiing, but we've more or less got there by ourselves, and it might open up the possibility of midnight hang-gliding lit by the eerie glow from Ben Macdhui.

No doubt if the Provost had his eye on the ball instead of easing himself out of the firing line, things would have been very different.

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AFTER 28 years of manning the crossing on Grantown's High Street, Lyn Sim has been overtaken by technology, with the installation of a puffin crossing.

We are glad to say that she has not been lost to the community altogether, and is now busy helping children cross next to the primary school.

The job has not been without its humorous moments on Grantown's main thoroughfare, and Lyn recalls that on one occasion her lollipop and fluorescent jacket went missing, only to turn up at a fancy dress part at the town's Waterford Hotel.

Then there was the year that a float full of cows with their calves destined for the Grantown Show managed to escape from their float and the lollipop was put through a stern test in trying to stop the maurading beasts.

One persistent driver who did not stop for her on several occasions felt Lyn's full wrath on another occasion. Unfortunately, she shook her lollipop so hard at the driver that the top of it fell off and rolled the length of the street, with children in hot pursuit.

Her famous lollipop stick has also been more than an aid to crossing the road; it has been used to shovel snow in winter, as a fan in the summer, and has stunned many a wasp, so those inhabiting the schools and its environs had now better be on their guard.

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KEEP the stories coming to embarrass your friends and keep the Foolscap duo in the luxury to which we have become accustomed. Send your stories to the 10th floor by e-mailing fools.cap@btinternet.com

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