CHERYL Cole, a tiger, and the death of a Premier League footballer are some of the unusual Christmas gifts requested at one Santa's Grotto in the strath.
When Santa's helpers were reading letters at the grotto in Kincraig they found wish lists for the usual games consoles, DVDs, toys and bicycles, but other requests were more ambitious: Kyle wants a robot for his family, although we are not sure what its role might be.
One brave child would like to wake up on Christmas morning and find a quarter-ton Amur tiger under the tree, or perhaps more accurately surrounded by broken bits of tree and shredded toys.
Dylan handed in a long list of expensive gifts, such as a quad bike and a snowboard, but, just in case Santa has had to tighten his belt like the rest of us, he also asked for "a huge bottle of lemonade". It can be thirsty work, Christmas.
Reminding us all that giving is more important than receiving, Sophie wants "a nice new snowboard for my daddy".
But eyebrows were raised amongst the busy elves when one sad letter asked for "some friends and a house". Possibly this one came from the 10th floor.
Someone clearly not appreciating the arrival of winter asked simply for the return of summer, and definitely not getting in to the Christmas spirit was one lad's bloodthirsty request that Santa should "please kill Wayne Rooney".
There are suspicions that some parents may have played a greater role in the letter-writing than they are meant to, such as one request for a "50-inch flat-screen TV and a laptop" and another for "a Porsche and a million pounds".
Not us. We already have both.
Striking a chord with grown-up boys everywhere was this Christmas message to Santa: "I would like you to deliver Cheryl Cole to my house for Christmas. I would really look after her and keep her happy."
Yes. We're sure you would.
NEVER forget that we're all in it together. It's just that the rich don't notice it as much as we do.
Closer to home and not in the rich list, Highland Council has voted to give staff an extra day's leave to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee, and this sop to tradition, royalty, pomp and circumstance will apparently cost £90,000.
That's to say it will cost us - you and me - well, not you as you haven't paid your Council Tax - £90k but the council is absolutely certain that it will raise morale.
We here on the 10th floor are less trusting than the councillors who voted for this as we would prefer a little more proof before spending that sum of money as we could think of at least a dozen other things that we could do with 90k and we haven't even started to concentrate yet.
Before they get the day off, we presume they have to prove they indeed have monarchist leanings; after all it would be ridiculous for a staunch republican to take the day off to celebrate something like this.
If the council employees are all monarchists then the next time they empty my bins I expect them to be singing 'my old man's a dustman' and dancing a Highland fling whilst looking bloody pleased with their lot.
It seems to us to be anomalous to have been on strike for a day recently in a demonstration against the Establishment and to be planning a day off so soon to celebrate it but probably we're missing the point.
Talking of anomalies, the strike was partly to show anger at the rich and powerful who are not suffering as we are in the recession and who do not worry about simple things like pensions as they have so much they don't need them.
The irony is that the strike punished all those who need hospitals, schools, transport and other mundane necessities of life, while the rich send their kids to posh schools, fly to Switzerland for their healthcare and were completely unaffected by the strike.
Great strategy, lads.
IN CASE we haven't upset you enough, consider this piece of news from 10 days ago. "Bonhams Hong Kong sets new outright world record for a Chinese snuff bottle in 'Golden Gavel' sale.
A 'famille-rose' enameled glass snuff bottle from the Imperial Qianlong palace workshops sold for HK$25.3 million or, in our money, £2.1 million.
For a snuff box!
This was a new record for a snuff bottle apparently and was originally thought to be worth a mere half million.
Sadly, we didn't attend the sale as we couldn't afford the fare to Hong Kong, but next time we might make it there. We currently have our eyes on the editor's snuff box that sits on his desk.
We have no idea if he still takes snuff or not, but the box might just disappear over the holiday period.
Keep your eyes open for the Foolscap Bentley on local roads soon.
THIS is the time of year when hard up PR people put out interesting items of news to tempt the jaded palates of editors and eventually the reading public.
Thus we have information to share with you - perhaps especially local hoteliers and hospitality experts.
You are probably desperate to hear some of the more bizarre requests that holidaymakers ask before arrival. Some defy any classification at all, for example the top five most unusual questions are:
can you guarantee the pool heat at a constant 88 degrees and if not can we get a discount for every degree under?
Can we have a machete
cutlass to keep under our bed?
Can you move the house 180 degrees?
Where is the nearest shop for kosher foods and what are the exact measurements of frozen food space in the villa to store the supplies?
What is the distance between the toilet seat and the nearest wall?
CLOSER now to the holidays, the Christmas Poetry competition looms large ahead. So far we have had no responses, so the competition is wide open.
This year we want to encourage our poets to consider the current economic situation as a subject for their work, although we naturally don't wish to limit your imagination.
We might give extra points to those who deal humorously with the financial crisis but, then again, we might just go for the funniest as we usually do. Maybe something on the roadworks at Moy?
A bottle of the Chateau Musgrove will be given to the winner.
Final date for entries is Thursday, December 22, and the winning entries will appear in our festive edition of December 28.
Send your entries to the Strathy office, 44 High Street, Grantown-on-Spey, PH26 3EH, or direct to our 10th floor eyrie on foolscap@btinternet.com.
